THE CROWN

I OFTEN FIND MYSELF WONDERING WHAT IT WILL BE LIKE THE DAY I FINALLY MEET MY SAVIOR. I THINK ABOUT THE SONG BY MERCY ME, I CAN ONLY IMAGINE. I THINK ABOUT MY LIFE, MY DAYS, MY MOMENTS, MY BREATHES. THEY ARE ALL NUMBERED. I ONLY HAVE SO MANY DAYS HERE IN THIS WORLD, AS JAMES 4:14 SO SIMPLY SAYS, "YOU ARE JUST A VAPOR THAT APPEARS FOR AWHILE AND THEN VANISHED IN THE WIND".

A VAPOR IN THE WIND, THE BLINK OF AN EYE.

I THINK ABOUT HOW MUCH I'VE STRUGGLED WITH MY FLESH AND MY PAST. UP TO THIS POINT IN MY CHRISTIAN WALK THE HARDEST THINGS IVE HAD TO  OVERCOME HAVE  BEEN FORGIVING PEOPLE I FELT WRONGED ME AND GIVING UP ALCOHOL. I THINK ABOUT HOW MUCH MY LIVE HAS CHANGED, HOW MUCH GOD HAS PRUNED ME AND SANDED AWAY IN RUFF EDGES.

THE CHRISTIAN WALK ISN'T FOR THE WEAK OR PROUD.

IT'S MUCH EASIER TO FOLLOW WITH THE CROWD, GO WITH THE FLOW. ACT LIKE "THE WORLD". THE BIBLE TALKS ABOUT THE WIDE AND NARROW GATES IN MATTHEW 7:13-14 . "ENTER BY THE NARROW GATE. FOR THE GATE IS WIDE AND THE WAY EASY THAT LEADS TO DESTRUCTION, AND THOSE WHO ENTER BY IT ARE MANY. BUT SMALL IS THE GATE AND NARROW THE ROAD THAT LEADS TO LIFE, AND ONLY A FEW FIND IT."

I THINK ABOUT ALL IVE GONE THROUGH TO GET WHERE I AM. THE FRIENDS I'VE LOST, THE TEARS OF PAIN AND FRUSTRATION I'VE CRIED FROM HOLDING ONTO FLESHLY WANTS AND DESIRES. THE REJECTION. LONELINESS AT TIMES. FEELING LIKE I WAS 2 PEOPLE. FIGHTING MY NATURAL WANTS AND INSTINCTS. FIGHTING  TO DO RIGHT IN GOD'S EYE NO MATTER THE COST.  THE BACKSLIDING. THE GUILT WHEN I'M NOT PERFECT. IT WAS EXHAUSTING. AT LEAST IT WAS UNTIL I DECIDED TO PUT BOTH FEET ON THE SAME SIDE OF THE FENCE. AS LONG AS YOUR RIDING THE FENCE WITH YOUR FAITH YOU WILL BE WEARING YOURSELF OUT. THE THINGS WE HOLD ONTO ARE JUST NOT WORTH IT.  HERE IS AN EXAMPLE FOR FUN..

 HERE ARE YOUR CHOICES..

a. MOVE FORWARD IN GOD'S  PERFECT WILL FOR YOUR LIFE 
b. THIS DRINK RIGHT NOW

SEEMS SILLY HUH??? BUT IN THAT MOMENT ITS EASY TO CHOICE TO FEED THE FLESH, RIDE THE FENCE AND "CHANGE TOMORROW".  THE PROBLEM IS TOMORROW BECOMES YEARS LATER. WAKE UP FRIENDS! THE DEVIL IS JUST PLAYING US LIKE FIDDLES WHEN WE PLAY THIS GAME. WE ALWAYS LOSE.


I ACTUALLY REMEMBER AN ANNIVERSARY A FEW YEARS AGO WHEN MY HUSBAND DANE AND I WENT TO A NICE DINNER IN MARBLE FALLS, TX. WHEN THE WAITER CAME OVER TO TAKE OUR DRINK ORDER I PROUDLY ORDERED AN ICE WATER. THE WAITER KNEW IT WAS OUR ANNIVERSARY AND OFFERED A GLASS OF COMPLEMENTARY CHAMPAGNE.
 I QUICKLY SAID "NO THANKS, WATER IS PERFECT, THANK YOU".
(STAYING RIGHT ON TOP OF IT, IN CONTROL)
BUT, THE WAITER JUST WASN'T GIVING UP THAT EASY AND SAID "OH, YOU CAN HAVE ONE, JUST ONE.. CANT YOU?!!" I MADE IT CLEAR I COULDN'T HAVE ONE AND WATER WOULD BE GREAT. HE LEFT QUICKLY TO RETURN WITH TWO BEAUTIFUL, PERFECTLY CHILLED GLASSES OF CHAMPAGNE. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? WOW!!  YOU DO YOUR BEST TO STAY AWAY FROM IT AND THE ENEMY WILL SERVE IT RIGHT TO YOUR TABLE FREE OF CHARGE!  SNEAK IT IN WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT.
 I HEARD THE VOICE OF GOD TELL ME "HANG IN THERE CHILD, THIS IS A TEST." I HANDED THE GLASS ACROSS THE TABLE TO DANE AND ASKED HIM TO GET RID OF IT, I REMEMBER NOT EVEN WANTING TO SMELL IT.

 IT ALL HAPPENED SO FAST, AND BY THE END OF IT I WAS CRYING. YEP, CRYING OVER A GLASS OF CHAMPAGNE!! MY FLESH WANTED THAT CHAMPAGNE!! WHAT I LEARNED THAT NIGHT WAS ALCOHOL HAD A BIGGER HOLD ON ME THAN I HAD REALIZED. IT HAD MORE OVER MY HEAD THAN I WANTED TO ADMIT. SO MANY PEOPLE USE DRINKING TO PACIFY SOMETHING ELSE.. PAIN, THE PAST, ANXIETY... THERE ARE A NUMBER OF THINGS. 

YOU CAN ABUSE ANYTHING. YOU CAN ABUSE SUGAR, FOOD, DRINKING, SHOPPING...  WHATEVER YOU DO THAT HAS CONTROL OVER YOU AND YOU DON'T HAVE CONTROL OVER IT IS NOW A PROBLEM IN YOUR LIFE. PERIOD. I USE ALCOHOL AS AN EXAMPLE SO OFTEN BECAUSE THAT WAS A STRONGHOLD IN MY LIFE. BUT, THIS APPLY TO SO MANY THINGS.

 IVE ABUSED MY FAIR SHARE OF RICE CRISPY TREATS TOO LET ME TELL YOU!! ( i am working on that) ; )



I WISH IT HAD NOT TAKEN ME SO LONG TO BE OBEDIENT, BUT, IT DID. I WAS WATCHING JOYCE MEYER ONE MORNING OVER COFFEE. SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SIN. SHE SAID IT'S BETTER TO CUT YOUR HANDS OFF AND NO LONGER HAVE HANDS IF THEY CONTINUE TO SIN AGAINST YOU.  THAT CAME FROM.. MARK 9:43   if your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life maimed than with two hands to go into hell, where the fire never goes out.

THAT STUCK WITH ME, MY HANDS CONTINUED TO POUR DRINK AFTER DRINK AFTER GOD MADE IT CLEAR TO ME IT WAS TIME TO MOVE ON . I USED ALCOHOL TO COVER UP FEELINGS AND ANXIETIES I DIDN'T WANT TO DEAL WITH. SOMEWHERE ALONG THE WAY I HAD ENOUGH AND KNEW I HAD TO SET AN EXAMPLE FOR MY DAUGHTERS. I GUESS THE OLD SAYING YOU HAVE TO BE SICK AND TIRED OF BEING SICK AND TIRED HAPPENED. BECAUSE TRUST ME.. I WAS SICK AND TIRED!

 I DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE MY GIRLS COMING UP TO ME THIRSTY AFTER 20 MINUTES OF JUMPING THEIR LITTLE HEARTS OUT ON OUR TRAMPOLINE AND HAVE TO TELL THEM THIS IS "MOMMY'S DRINK" . EVERY TIME I FOUND MYSELF IN THAT POSITION I COULD HEARD GOD TELLING ME YOUR 'DONT TELL DAUGHTERS RIGHT FROM WRONG, JUST LIVE IT". GOD WANTED ME TO WALK OUT THE LIFE I WANTED FOR MY DAUGHTERS, NOT JUST TEACH THEM DO AS I SAY NOT AS I DO.

HE WANTED ME TO STAND IN THE GAP, CUT OFF MY HANDS, CRY IT OUT, LOSE FRIENDS (IF I HAD TO),  LOSE CONTROL, DIG DEEP, PRESS IN, DO WHATEVER NEEDED TO BE DONE TO STOP THE FAMILY BONDAGE FROM PASSING ON TO MY 2 PRECIOUS GIRLS. LUCKILY THROUGH GOD'S AMAZING GRACE I AM COMING UP ON THREE YEARS THIS SEPTEMBER.

THE LAST 10 YEARS HAVE BEEN A BATTLE. A BATTLE I WOULDN'T TRADE FOR ANYTHING BECAUSE I HAVE GROWN SO MUCH. I HAVE LEARNED SO MUCH ABOUT MYSELF AND GODS NEVER ENDING LOVE AND GRACE. I THINK ABOUT HOW AMAZING GOD IS, HOW BIG HE REALLY IS. HOW HE DOESN'T HAVE LOVE FOR ME, HE IS LOVE. I THINK I KNOW HIM. I THINK I KNOW HOW AMAZING MY GOD IS. BUT, YOU KNOW WHAT!? I DON'T HAVE A CLUE AND NEITHER DO YOU. OUR PEA SIZE HUMAN MINDS CANT FATHOM GOD THE FATHER AND CHRIST THE SON FOR WHO THEY REALLY ARE. THE DAY WE COME FACE TO FACE WITH THE FATHER AND THE SON WE ARE GOING TO FALL OUT IN AWE IM QUITE CERTAIN. WE WILL ONLY THEN UNDERSTAND THE MIGHTINESS OF OUR LORD AND SAVIOR.

IVE SPENT HALF OF THE LAST 10 YEARS THINKING IT WILL ALL BE WORTH IT ONE DAY WHEN JESUS HANDS ME MY GOLDEN CROWN AND I HEAR HIS PRECIOUS VOICE SAY TO ME "WELL DONE MY GOOD AND FAITHFUL SERVANT". BUT SOMEWHERE ALONG THE WAY I REALIZED THAT THERE WAS NO WAY I COULD KEEP THAT CROWN, I'M NOT WORTHY. NO AMOUNT OF WORKS WILL MAKE ME WORTHY. I AM SAVED BY GRACE.

 I WORK NOW FOR THAT CROWN JUST SO I CAN HAVE SOMETHING TO THROW AT MY SAVIORS FEET ON THAT GLORIOUS DAY. 

REMEMBER WE WILL BLINK AND BE FACE TO FACE WITH JESUS CHRIST... WHAT WILL YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOUR VAPOR, YOUR DASH, YOU SHORT BLINK OF AN EYE LIFE? DON'T WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW TO FIGURE IT OUT MY FRIEND. IT JUST MAY BE TO LATE.

BE FAITHFUL, EVEN TO THE POINT OF DEATH, AND I WILL

GIVE YOU THE CROWN OF LIFE.

REVELATION 2:10

　

FATHER- WE COME TO YOU TODAY UNDERSTANDING THIS LIFE IS SHORT. HELP US TO KEEP OUR FOCUS ON YOU. DON'T ALLOW US TO GET CAUGHT UP IN THIS WORLD AND WHAT IT HAS TO OFFER US. YOUR WORD SAYS THE THINGS OF THIS WORLD WILL BE EATEN BY MOTHS. ALLOW US TO STORE UP OUR TREASURES IN HEAVEN WHERE FIRE CANT BURN THEM AND MOTH CANT DESTROY THEM. CREATE IN US LORD A HUMBLE HEART. OPEN OUR EYES IF ONLY FOR A SECOND, TO SEE WHAT YOU SEE. I PRAY LAZINESS DOESN'T INTERFERE WITH MY WALK. I PRAY FOR RENEWED SPIRITS, OPEN HEARTS AND REVELATION INTO YOUR WORD TODAY AND EVERYDAY.
AMEN.