Christians in Camo

I recently found myself at a Guns N Roses concert. My husband has been a fan for years, but he has never managed to make it to see them in concert. His birthday was just around the corner and I knew it was something he had always wanted to do. They happened to be coming to our area so I purchased some tickets to surprise him. To say the least he was pumped!!



Just for the record.. he is completely spoiled rotten!


I really had no idea what I was getting into, I'm more a Toby Mac/Jamie Grace kinda girl. All and all I had a pretty good time. Not my cup of tea but glad I went in the end.


For those of you who don't know me very well or my story I made the choice over 3 years ago to give up alcohol. It was a good choice for me and one I felt called to do. I do struggle still from time to time with this but it is few and far between. The night of the concert was one where I questioned myself and my boundaries.


When we got the the concert we got in line to get drinks before we found our seats. I usually will have a energy drink in situations like this one, I don't know why, it's just what I've done and it has worked for me. When we got up there to order, they said they were out of what I wanted.


So we went on to the next stand.... same thing. out.


We went to 2 or 3 more stands and same answer... out. out. out.


Wow! As if it wasn't already enough of a struggle to just choose something other the very enticing swirly strawberry lime margarita!


When the last concession stand worker told me "were out" I asked my husband what he thought about me ordering the swirly "pretty" drink??


He said "do what you want to do, but I think it's a bad idea." We went back and forth for awhile and I said at least three times, "I can have just one .. I know I can. "


He stuck to his guns saying the same thing. "not a good idea." I got stressed out so I told him let's go find our seat, I wanted to think about it and not be so impulsive. So we did. We sat down and I heard God tell me that he called me to be the light in the dark. I knew THEN I was NOT ordering a "pretty" drink.

God began to ask me to look around me, I looked at hundreds and hundreds of people. There was so many people. God continued to speak to me so clearly, He began to tell me many of them believed in him and where saved, born again Christians. He then asked me to look again and tell which ones are which?? Who was for him and who was against him...?


80% of them were double fisting their drink of choice, hooping and hollering. Cussing and yelling.  Some were sneaking up to get a better seat that they didn't pay for. I saw some people sitting close to me that were obviously on drugs. People sweating through their shirts from head banging. People with hands up yelling "we love you" @ the band.  People who were jumping for 3 hours solid to every last beat.


All and all it was interesting.


Know as I describe this I am not judging. This is exactly what I saw. God was just softly opening my eyes to what he sees.. He wasn't missing a beat. The love and compassion I felt as I looked around was not of this world. It could only be God. It was Awesome! I actually found myself wholeheartedly praying for many of the people in my eye shot through much of the concert.


See, you can have "church" anywhere. We are to BE the church!


God told me if I had picked up that drink I would have been camouflaging myself.


Are you in camo? Maybe just in certain places???


He said if I had that drink I would be like temporarily "cloaking" myself on darkness.


He just kept saying I have called you to be the light in a dark world.


Ps, He has called YOU to be the light in a dark world!


What are you cloaking yourself in?? Are you a "Christian" in church and then cuss like a sailor on the other side of those doors? Do you cloak yourself in gossip, or casual sex outside of marriage or little white lies?? I believe most of us  have more then 1 cloak... we have like 5 or 10 ... maybe more!! We put different ones on for different people and different places. I challenge you to go to your secret stash and hand each one of them over to God. Get real with God and yourself. Ask Him what it is in you holding on to all the different capes and cloaks...He wants you to have 1.


Yep, I said 1. (I didn't say this was easy, it isn't, and it takes time)


This is what it means to be Genuine. Real. True. Honest


He wants you to be the same all the time. In church, at work, and on vacation far away from home.


Who are you...? really.


My flesh wanted that pink and green drink! My spirit was telling me quietly, oh soo quietly to resist the temptation. My flesh was screaming and yelling throwing an all and all temper tantram to order that pretty drink because "EVERYBODY" else had one. The most important thing to remember in those types of situations is that the inner voice that seems to be the hardest to hear is the usually the one to follow. Whatever is screaming at you is the lie. Satan will do his best to get you going around that same mountain again!


I "felt" like I stuck out like a sore thumb @ that concert. I also once again almost bought the lie that I wouldn't have as much fun as everyone else. He always likes to pull out ol' trusty, the "fun" card.


(I had more fun because I remember it and didn't have to hug the toilet, and I don't have any drunkin' regrets! Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about either! you know! just sayin') ;)


On our way home the next day as I was thinking about it again. God told me that this whole ordeal happened because he wanted me to write my next blog and call it "Christians in Camo". It still amazes me how willing He is to use me.. me!??? A been there-done that, normal, everyday mom, friend, and wife. Who I might add still has soooo far to go! But, like Joyce Meyer said.... "I may not be where I need to be, but Thank God I'm not where I used to be!!"


I am thankful. I am thankful I can pass on his wisdom to you. What a blessing!!


This conversation brings me back to this song..


This little light of mine,
I'm gonna let it shine
Let it shine,
Let it shine,
Let it shine.
Hide it under a bushel? No!
I'm gonna let it shine.
Don't let Satan blow it out,
I'm gonna let it shine.
Let it shine,
Let it shine,
Let it shine

You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on it's stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way let your light shine before men that they may see your deeds and praise your Father in heaven. -Matthew 5:14-16

Dear Lord, show us what it means to be genuine and true. Teach us Father to love you with our whole hearts and hand over all of our extra cloaks. Lord,  I don't want to be stagnant in my walk with you, but ever moving forward. Even when it hurts to change, I want to be the kind of woman who presses past the pain and into all you've called me too! Let the Zeal for your house consume me like your word says in Psalm 69:9. I pray for all who read this to find themselves "cleaning out their closets" in the very near future. In Jesus name, Amen.

it's been paid

Got an email not too long ago from my good friend Dee. She has a prison ministry for women in the Austin area. She had recently been contacted by a lady named Monica who was newly out of the system. Monica had been being taken care of by her boyfriend but he walked out the door when the going got tuff! She was left broke, alone, and with little hope.



Monica is a new believer and is really seeking a new life. Many times when these ladies are released from prison they have nowhere to go but back to their old ways, old habits and old life. Most of these ladies were raised in a home where stealing, drugs and hate is apart of normal everyday life. Usually the people/friends/family that are waiting for them on the other side are still using drugs, prostituting and dealing. So you can imagine how difficult it would be to get out and start a whole new life. It is very hard for these ladies to get a job many times due to there past. Many of them want to change and have a better life, but the world makes it very hard for them to get out and have a fresh start


When people turn to Christ in prison and start to walk out their faith, they begin to change. Change their thoughts and actions. Change their wants and desires. Change their hopes and dreams.


Where will they go? Who will help them? Who will support them? Who will comfort them?


I Thank God for my friend and so many like her who love these women with the Love of Christ! God has Dee connected and plugged into all the right places. She has been invited to teach classes in prison on how to hear God's voice and has also on many occasions been able to wait at the gate as ladies come out for the first time a free woman! God is really working in prison ministry! Many lives being transformed!


Back to the email, it came in with the subject- "i need your help!"


As I read it I learned of Monica and a little of her current situation. I was asked to help in any way possible to pitch in on a $245.00 fee/payment Monica had coming up asap. If she didn't have it paid by the next day at noon she would be headed back to jail! I felt lead to give and forward the email to some friends and family.


The next morning another updated email came in at 8am. It was letting me know that $95 in donations had come in. So that meant that we had 4 hours to raise $140 or my new sister in Christ would be headed right back to the big house at Christmas! I prayed and sent out a facebook post with my email asking for help from anyone who felt lead. Within 10 minutes I had 2 calls from friends who said they were wanting to help. The office that was taking the payment opened at 9am. By 9:30 am both of my friends were able to get through and each paid half!!


IT WAS PAID!!


When I got the email that it had been paid, God immediately told me that not only had the $245 been paid but that Monica had been "paid" for!! He wanted me to let her know that she was paid for by the blood of Christ!!


One of my favorite parts of this while ordeal was that the lady taking the phone calls and payment over the phone said what a real blessing it had been for her watching this unfold. She said she had never seen anything like it!


Amazing!


For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’ - Matthew 25: 35-40


Dear heavenly Father, Thank you for your presence and for reminding us that "it's been paid". I pray for Dee and all the women who are involved in prison ministries around the world. I thank you for allowing me to be a small part in such a wonderful event! Open our eyes Lord to see that there are many ways to help a hurting world. I pray for each and every single person sleeping in a prison cell tonight.. Guide them to you Father, soften their hearts to hear your voice, free them from family bondage, heal them from past wounds and fill them with peace and joy right where they are. In Jesus precious precious name. Amen


Remember this season that thanks to that sweet and perfect baby boy who was born on Christmas day ALL your sins have been paid for! Every single one... great and small!


Psalms 103:12, "As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us

Fearless and Fierce in Your Faith

In May of 2010 we went to Lubbock to watch my step-son Morgan in the Regional track meet. We took our youngest daughter Baylor and my step-daughter Madison. We really had a great time watching Morgan run and taking the girls all over Lubbock.

One of the mornings we were there we went out early to get a good breakfast.  When we pulled back into the parking lot of our hotel, we were approached by a woman asking for some money . She was about 45 maybe, looked much older than she was. Her clothes were filthy with dirt and stains. Her hands and face were dirty too.  Her face was harsh yet sad.

I proceeded to tell the woman that I didn't have any money on me but  I had some snacks in the room. I asked her to hold on a second and told her I'd be back down in a minute. I hurried up to our room and grabbed the new big bag of goldfish we had just bought and 2 cold sodas.

When I walked back down, there she stood, right where I left her. Madison asked to follow me... kind of curious about the whole thing. So Madison and I walked right back out there and handed her the goodies. She was thankful. I had prayed on the way back down for God to move in the situation  and did He ever!! As I handed her the goldfish I asked her what her name was, and she said May.

"Well May.." I asked.  "How are you doing? What's going on in your life? Do you know Jesus?"
She quickly replied "Yes.  I know Him.  I am a christian."
"Well May, I know this isn't much but, can I pray with you today?  Do you need prayer for anything?" I said with Madison standing beside me soaking it all in like a sponge.

May went on to tell me with tears quickly filling her eyes that her husband was out of work and sick, very sick. She asked me to please pray for him. So, I did. I grabbed her and Madison by the hands. When i opened my mouth the words just flowed. God was there!  Believe me when I tell you that! Sometimes I'm telling you, God just hijacks my mouth, and I'm just an empty vessel. That day with May was one of those days for sure!! I didn't even get past "Father, we come to You today....", and I had big tears dripping down my face. I wish I could tell you what was prayed for, but it really doesn't matter. I think the things I remember the most and will always hold in my heart were after anyways. I hugged her neck like she was my own momma and looked right through her eyes to see a quiet broken spirit.
"Hang on.. just hang in there May.. in the blink of an eye you will be on streets of gold to never cry another tear or worry another day.. I'll see you again soon May.. be strong." was the last thing i said to my sweet new sister May.

We smiled a small smile at each other, gave one more hug and went our separate ways both wiping the tears from our faces.

I often still think about May, and when I do, you better believe I lift her up.  It's so easy to pass those type of opportunities by. Sometimes we are just too busy and other times we are scared.

When talking about being fearless and fierce in faith I cant help but think about Mother Teresa. She is such a perfect example of that. I found a few things on the Internet about her I think are worth sharing, a few quotes and a small portion of her bio:

"On 21 December she went for the first time to the slums. She visited families, washed the sores of some children, cared for an old man lying sick on the road and nursed a woman dying of hunger and TB. She started each day in communion with Jesus in the Eucharist and then went out, rosary in her hand, to find and serve Him in the unwanted, the unloved, the uncared for." - author unknown


"If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one."- Mother Teresa

　

"Let us touch the dying, the poor, the lonely and the unwanted according to the graces we have received, and let us not be ashamed or slow to do the humble work." - Mother Teresa


"I was to give up all and follow Jesus into the slums.....It was an order.....And when that happens, the only thing to do is say yes." - Mother Teresa in Ladies Home Journal, April, 1996


Her words and actions spoke volumes. What a life!! We can all learn something from her willingness to put others before herself. She was such a great example of dying to self. What a bright light in a dark world!

Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. - John 12:24

I'm sure Mother Teresa bore much fruit, and you can too! God desires that for each and every one of us, not necessarily to that extreme but in some form. I want to encourage all of you to think about this.. how easy it is to go day in and day out in our own little worlds that consist of PTO meetings, scrapbooking clubs, soccer practices, baseball games, golf tournaments and fighting to climb our professional ladder. We get so enthralled in our material, our homes, our cars, our clothes, the next vacation we want to take and our new landscaping plans. We often forget there are people like May all around us just waiting for someone to hug them and give them an encouraging word.


I challenge you to take a few (say 10) sack lunches and bottled waters to the needy. Hold their hands and pray with them. Just watch what happens! I promise you there is no better feeling on earth! God lead me to do this about a year and a half ago. I came in contact with a man confined to a wheelchair sitting behind a dumpster at a gas station on the east side on downtown Austin. You go into those situations thinking you will be blessing them, and you come out with them blessing you! Nothing like it. Simply nothing like it. It's truly amazing.


(although, I don't advise you go by yourself, be fierce in your faith.. not ignorant. Pray for God to show you where He wants to use you.. and go there.)


Just try it... I double dog dare ya! ;)

"And the King will say, 'I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!' Matthew 25:40

Father- Open our eyes, show us this world as You see it. Show us where we can be used by You for You.  Help us Lord to not stay so self-absorbed.  Forgive us where we have walked right by. I also pray for us that are parents, Lord that you would give us convictions about teaching our children to care for the least and the lowliest. To teach our children by what we do, not just what we say. I pray that we would do our work not out of obligation to religion but with hearts full of love and compassion because of our relationship with You. This life is so short Lord, make us and mold us to be more and more like You with every breath we take. In the Name of Your Precious Son Jesus. Amen

 

why we do what we do.... honestly.

every 4th of July our neighborhood has a parade. we usually go stay with my parents at their lake house that weekend, but on occasion we stay home. this year, last minute we decided to just stay home.
the night before the parade i stayed up late to decorate the girls bikes. i blew up bright red balloons for the handle bars, and used a sharpie to make tons of stars on all 6 balloons. i wrote sayings like, "God Bless America" on each one of them. then i had the girls make signs to tape on the front of their bikes and we put red, white, and blue streamers in the back. that night i did a good bit of gripping at my 5 year old to "stay out of the way" and to "not mess me up".


i can be OCD about really silly things! after all that i woke up super early the morning of the parade to fix the girls hair all up and paint their faces. we put big red feathers in Navy's hair. Madison and Baylor got red, white, and blue bows and head bands! i was throwing mini tantrums every time they messed up their make-up or hair! running around like a chicken with my head cut off finishing the decor on each bike, then loading the bikes, and touching up face glitter and lip color.
in my insane mommy frenzy i told the baby (she's 5, i know.. but, she is my baby)
"get over here and stand by your bike so i can take your picture". she was in no hurry and was eating an apple.. AN APPLE! ............ MESSING UP HER LIPSTICK!!! Lord have mercy!


i fussed and fussed about that, then i said..
"i did all this work for you girls and all mommy wants is a darn picture! is that too much to ask!?!!"
Baylor proceeded to take another bite of her apple and very calmly looked up at me discussed and said:
"WHY ARE YOU SOOOO OBSESSED WITH THIS STINKIN' PAHWADE??"
yes, just like that. pahwade. (parade) :)


my. five. year. old. just. told. me. off...... and the worst part was
SHE WAS RIGHT!!!
of coarse my husband was in ear shot for that and looked at me with a huge grin.. obviously in agreement with her. that's when i realized what a spectacle i had become.
what in the world was i doing? i had convinced myself i was "doing all this for the girls"
uhhh.. yeah right!


because the girls absolutely love getting squawked at while watching their mother in a complete and total hairspray, glitter eye shadow and streamer tailspin.


we often do things like this in our christian walk. we think we are fooling other people but, they see. make sure you get that part.... THEY SEE. we aren't fooling anybody but ourselves. sometimes we have been doing the same thing for so long we don't even realize it. we need to take a good look at our motives and what is behind them.


why do you do what you do? honestly.          


"For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart." Hebrew 4:12


intent of the heart. i like that, that's exactly what we are talking about here. what is the actual intent of our hearts in what we do?


God is all knowing. he knows exactly why we do what we do and if indeed our motives are pure. another one of my favorite scriptures is Psalm 19:14 i think goes along side the topic at hand.


May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer. -psalm 19:14

 i say Psalm 19:14 verbally almost everyday at least twice! i so desperately want to be pure in my heart and words. the word tells us in Matthew 12:34 out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. so that means if we have a mouth issue whether it be gossip or filthy language or anything in between we have a heart issue. don't try to just control your mouth, I'm not saying don't control your mouth. but, we do need to realize that there is a deeper root issue there.
think of that issue as a weed in your yard..most of us have certain issues and we just cut them off at grass level or mow over them. which does no good because what happens..?
THEY JUST POP BACK UP!

we need to get our gloves on, get out our gardening tools and DIG THAT ROOT UP!
let's quit grabbing for the same ol' weed spray that doesn't work! spritzing the same "issues" over and over again and again. just dig it up, get it out of your yard (your life) and move on down the road.


who is willing to do that?
who wants everything Christ died for you to have??
who is sick of going around that same ol' mountain day after day?
who is willing to ask God sincerely "show me where my motives are just not pure?"


see, i did all those things the day of the parade for me. i wanted to bring my girls down to that parade and show them off like little dolls to everyone. my motives where not for the girls. if they had been i would have let my girls color those big red balloon's, paint each others faces and decorate their bikes with what they thought would be fun!


come next year my daughters will be doing all those things and i will just be there to video, giggle and enjoy watching them create there own style!

Father- we come to you humbly today asking that you would search our hearts and show us where there is any selfish or impure motives. Lord we want to be authentic in your sight. let us not hide behind lies and manipulations that are false. as we walk through this life show us where we have convinced others or even ourselves of a false motives. give us the strenght we need to break out our gardening tools and pull the weeds up from the root. allow our heart to unfold like flowers before you as it so beautifully says in the Casting Crowns song Joyful Joyful. Father we are asking you to show us just why we do what we do.
 in Jesus precious name.

Amen

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting."

Psalm 139:23-24

Forgiving.. even the Unforgivable!

We have all been hurt at some point in life.
Forgiveness can be a very touchy subject but the bible makes it clear that as Christians we aren't to hold anything against anyone. 

Matthew 6:14 says For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.


Well, that's simple isn't it??
It's simply said, but the furthest from simple to do!

Matthew 6:14 reminds us of God's love and grace for us.. who are we to refuse love and grace to others?  This same scripture softly reminds us that we are not perfect and need our father's forgiveness as well.


Then we have Matthew 7:1-5  “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.

That hurts doesn't it!  don't shoot the messenger!
hang in here with me..


Matthew 7:1-5 was a hard one for me for along time. Many times I had to swallow my pride and keep my lips shut and my thoughts pure by choice. I had to pray for people that I saw at that time as enemies out of obedience not because I wanted to. Praying for the people you most love is easy!  But getting on your knees praying for your enemies to prosper and be blessed... well, that's a different story isn't it!?
I've often said that many of those prayers felt like i was swallowing glass.. but I was obedient, and somewhere God really did give me more understanding and love for those who had hurt me.


It's not easy but, it is possible. God doesn't ask us to do anything that we are not perfectly capable of.
Some people will say... " Well, I cant forgive this person, you just don't know what they have done?!!"

I haven't seen anywhere in the word where God says...
"forgive if you feel like it" or "forgive if it wasn't a big deal" or
"forgive only those you think are worthy of forgiveness" 

If you claim to be a bible believing christian you don't get the option of picking and choosing what works for you in the word.

its all or nothing. and it all applies to you, you aren't exempt!


I once heard somewhere  having unforgiveness is drinking the poison you made to give to your enemy!
It is poison to your body. I lived too many years understanding this I'm sad to say. I believe that having unforgivness and bitterness will actually manifest into physical problems. That's a whole other bunny trail that we don't have time for today, but its true. People are on more anxiety, sleeping and anti depressants today than ever before and a large bit of it is because of relationship issues that end in unforgiveness. While you are mad, bitter and miserable your enemy is most likely out there living life NOT thinking about you. 

EVERY PERSON ON THIS PLANET IS A CHILD OF GOD AND HE LOVES THEM. No matter what they have done or how wrong they are. HE LOVES THEM.

I am so thankful for that too because I lived many years a total and complete mess myself and he loved me and was so patient while teaching me his word and his ways.

In closing here is a little something Joyce Meyer said .. I just love her, She is always setting me straight so I'll pass it on when its relevant!!

"When you forgive your not doing God a favor, your not even doing your enemies a favor. You are doing something for you! You are giving yourself freedom!" - Joyce

 don't waste another day of your life on yesterday.
don't let yesterday's hurts ruin this perfectly good today sitting in front of you.

Proverbs 20:22
Do not say, "I'll pay you back for this wrong!" Wait for the LORD, and he will deliver you.

Father,   I pray for peace, love and forgiveness to consume us as we walk through this life. Show us Lord how to be slow to anger and quick to forgive. Break us down where we are bitter and easily offended. Thank you for every person that has clicked on this page today. I know that they didn't find themselves here by random. Search the most secret places in our hearts today father and help us "clean house" and move forward in Peace.
Amen.



THE CROWN

I OFTEN FIND MYSELF WONDERING WHAT IT WILL BE LIKE THE DAY I FINALLY MEET MY SAVIOR. I THINK ABOUT THE SONG BY MERCY ME, I CAN ONLY IMAGINE. I THINK ABOUT MY LIFE, MY DAYS, MY MOMENTS, MY BREATHES. THEY ARE ALL NUMBERED. I ONLY HAVE SO MANY DAYS HERE IN THIS WORLD, AS JAMES 4:14 SO SIMPLY SAYS, "YOU ARE JUST A VAPOR THAT APPEARS FOR AWHILE AND THEN VANISHED IN THE WIND".

A VAPOR IN THE WIND, THE BLINK OF AN EYE.

I THINK ABOUT HOW MUCH I'VE STRUGGLED WITH MY FLESH AND MY PAST. UP TO THIS POINT IN MY CHRISTIAN WALK THE HARDEST THINGS IVE HAD TO  OVERCOME HAVE  BEEN FORGIVING PEOPLE I FELT WRONGED ME AND GIVING UP ALCOHOL. I THINK ABOUT HOW MUCH MY LIVE HAS CHANGED, HOW MUCH GOD HAS PRUNED ME AND SANDED AWAY IN RUFF EDGES.

THE CHRISTIAN WALK ISN'T FOR THE WEAK OR PROUD.

IT'S MUCH EASIER TO FOLLOW WITH THE CROWD, GO WITH THE FLOW. ACT LIKE "THE WORLD". THE BIBLE TALKS ABOUT THE WIDE AND NARROW GATES IN MATTHEW 7:13-14 . "ENTER BY THE NARROW GATE. FOR THE GATE IS WIDE AND THE WAY EASY THAT LEADS TO DESTRUCTION, AND THOSE WHO ENTER BY IT ARE MANY. BUT SMALL IS THE GATE AND NARROW THE ROAD THAT LEADS TO LIFE, AND ONLY A FEW FIND IT."

I THINK ABOUT ALL IVE GONE THROUGH TO GET WHERE I AM. THE FRIENDS I'VE LOST, THE TEARS OF PAIN AND FRUSTRATION I'VE CRIED FROM HOLDING ONTO FLESHLY WANTS AND DESIRES. THE REJECTION. LONELINESS AT TIMES. FEELING LIKE I WAS 2 PEOPLE. FIGHTING MY NATURAL WANTS AND INSTINCTS. FIGHTING  TO DO RIGHT IN GOD'S EYE NO MATTER THE COST.  THE BACKSLIDING. THE GUILT WHEN I'M NOT PERFECT. IT WAS EXHAUSTING. AT LEAST IT WAS UNTIL I DECIDED TO PUT BOTH FEET ON THE SAME SIDE OF THE FENCE. AS LONG AS YOUR RIDING THE FENCE WITH YOUR FAITH YOU WILL BE WEARING YOURSELF OUT. THE THINGS WE HOLD ONTO ARE JUST NOT WORTH IT.  HERE IS AN EXAMPLE FOR FUN..

 HERE ARE YOUR CHOICES..

a. MOVE FORWARD IN GOD'S  PERFECT WILL FOR YOUR LIFE 
b. THIS DRINK RIGHT NOW

SEEMS SILLY HUH??? BUT IN THAT MOMENT ITS EASY TO CHOICE TO FEED THE FLESH, RIDE THE FENCE AND "CHANGE TOMORROW".  THE PROBLEM IS TOMORROW BECOMES YEARS LATER. WAKE UP FRIENDS! THE DEVIL IS JUST PLAYING US LIKE FIDDLES WHEN WE PLAY THIS GAME. WE ALWAYS LOSE.


I ACTUALLY REMEMBER AN ANNIVERSARY A FEW YEARS AGO WHEN MY HUSBAND DANE AND I WENT TO A NICE DINNER IN MARBLE FALLS, TX. WHEN THE WAITER CAME OVER TO TAKE OUR DRINK ORDER I PROUDLY ORDERED AN ICE WATER. THE WAITER KNEW IT WAS OUR ANNIVERSARY AND OFFERED A GLASS OF COMPLEMENTARY CHAMPAGNE.
 I QUICKLY SAID "NO THANKS, WATER IS PERFECT, THANK YOU".
(STAYING RIGHT ON TOP OF IT, IN CONTROL)
BUT, THE WAITER JUST WASN'T GIVING UP THAT EASY AND SAID "OH, YOU CAN HAVE ONE, JUST ONE.. CANT YOU?!!" I MADE IT CLEAR I COULDN'T HAVE ONE AND WATER WOULD BE GREAT. HE LEFT QUICKLY TO RETURN WITH TWO BEAUTIFUL, PERFECTLY CHILLED GLASSES OF CHAMPAGNE. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? WOW!!  YOU DO YOUR BEST TO STAY AWAY FROM IT AND THE ENEMY WILL SERVE IT RIGHT TO YOUR TABLE FREE OF CHARGE!  SNEAK IT IN WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT.
 I HEARD THE VOICE OF GOD TELL ME "HANG IN THERE CHILD, THIS IS A TEST." I HANDED THE GLASS ACROSS THE TABLE TO DANE AND ASKED HIM TO GET RID OF IT, I REMEMBER NOT EVEN WANTING TO SMELL IT.

 IT ALL HAPPENED SO FAST, AND BY THE END OF IT I WAS CRYING. YEP, CRYING OVER A GLASS OF CHAMPAGNE!! MY FLESH WANTED THAT CHAMPAGNE!! WHAT I LEARNED THAT NIGHT WAS ALCOHOL HAD A BIGGER HOLD ON ME THAN I HAD REALIZED. IT HAD MORE OVER MY HEAD THAN I WANTED TO ADMIT. SO MANY PEOPLE USE DRINKING TO PACIFY SOMETHING ELSE.. PAIN, THE PAST, ANXIETY... THERE ARE A NUMBER OF THINGS. 

YOU CAN ABUSE ANYTHING. YOU CAN ABUSE SUGAR, FOOD, DRINKING, SHOPPING...  WHATEVER YOU DO THAT HAS CONTROL OVER YOU AND YOU DON'T HAVE CONTROL OVER IT IS NOW A PROBLEM IN YOUR LIFE. PERIOD. I USE ALCOHOL AS AN EXAMPLE SO OFTEN BECAUSE THAT WAS A STRONGHOLD IN MY LIFE. BUT, THIS APPLY TO SO MANY THINGS.

 IVE ABUSED MY FAIR SHARE OF RICE CRISPY TREATS TOO LET ME TELL YOU!! ( i am working on that) ; )



I WISH IT HAD NOT TAKEN ME SO LONG TO BE OBEDIENT, BUT, IT DID. I WAS WATCHING JOYCE MEYER ONE MORNING OVER COFFEE. SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SIN. SHE SAID IT'S BETTER TO CUT YOUR HANDS OFF AND NO LONGER HAVE HANDS IF THEY CONTINUE TO SIN AGAINST YOU.  THAT CAME FROM.. MARK 9:43   if your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life maimed than with two hands to go into hell, where the fire never goes out.

THAT STUCK WITH ME, MY HANDS CONTINUED TO POUR DRINK AFTER DRINK AFTER GOD MADE IT CLEAR TO ME IT WAS TIME TO MOVE ON . I USED ALCOHOL TO COVER UP FEELINGS AND ANXIETIES I DIDN'T WANT TO DEAL WITH. SOMEWHERE ALONG THE WAY I HAD ENOUGH AND KNEW I HAD TO SET AN EXAMPLE FOR MY DAUGHTERS. I GUESS THE OLD SAYING YOU HAVE TO BE SICK AND TIRED OF BEING SICK AND TIRED HAPPENED. BECAUSE TRUST ME.. I WAS SICK AND TIRED!

 I DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE MY GIRLS COMING UP TO ME THIRSTY AFTER 20 MINUTES OF JUMPING THEIR LITTLE HEARTS OUT ON OUR TRAMPOLINE AND HAVE TO TELL THEM THIS IS "MOMMY'S DRINK" . EVERY TIME I FOUND MYSELF IN THAT POSITION I COULD HEARD GOD TELLING ME YOUR 'DONT TELL DAUGHTERS RIGHT FROM WRONG, JUST LIVE IT". GOD WANTED ME TO WALK OUT THE LIFE I WANTED FOR MY DAUGHTERS, NOT JUST TEACH THEM DO AS I SAY NOT AS I DO.

HE WANTED ME TO STAND IN THE GAP, CUT OFF MY HANDS, CRY IT OUT, LOSE FRIENDS (IF I HAD TO),  LOSE CONTROL, DIG DEEP, PRESS IN, DO WHATEVER NEEDED TO BE DONE TO STOP THE FAMILY BONDAGE FROM PASSING ON TO MY 2 PRECIOUS GIRLS. LUCKILY THROUGH GOD'S AMAZING GRACE I AM COMING UP ON THREE YEARS THIS SEPTEMBER.

THE LAST 10 YEARS HAVE BEEN A BATTLE. A BATTLE I WOULDN'T TRADE FOR ANYTHING BECAUSE I HAVE GROWN SO MUCH. I HAVE LEARNED SO MUCH ABOUT MYSELF AND GODS NEVER ENDING LOVE AND GRACE. I THINK ABOUT HOW AMAZING GOD IS, HOW BIG HE REALLY IS. HOW HE DOESN'T HAVE LOVE FOR ME, HE IS LOVE. I THINK I KNOW HIM. I THINK I KNOW HOW AMAZING MY GOD IS. BUT, YOU KNOW WHAT!? I DON'T HAVE A CLUE AND NEITHER DO YOU. OUR PEA SIZE HUMAN MINDS CANT FATHOM GOD THE FATHER AND CHRIST THE SON FOR WHO THEY REALLY ARE. THE DAY WE COME FACE TO FACE WITH THE FATHER AND THE SON WE ARE GOING TO FALL OUT IN AWE IM QUITE CERTAIN. WE WILL ONLY THEN UNDERSTAND THE MIGHTINESS OF OUR LORD AND SAVIOR.

IVE SPENT HALF OF THE LAST 10 YEARS THINKING IT WILL ALL BE WORTH IT ONE DAY WHEN JESUS HANDS ME MY GOLDEN CROWN AND I HEAR HIS PRECIOUS VOICE SAY TO ME "WELL DONE MY GOOD AND FAITHFUL SERVANT". BUT SOMEWHERE ALONG THE WAY I REALIZED THAT THERE WAS NO WAY I COULD KEEP THAT CROWN, I'M NOT WORTHY. NO AMOUNT OF WORKS WILL MAKE ME WORTHY. I AM SAVED BY GRACE.

 I WORK NOW FOR THAT CROWN JUST SO I CAN HAVE SOMETHING TO THROW AT MY SAVIORS FEET ON THAT GLORIOUS DAY. 

REMEMBER WE WILL BLINK AND BE FACE TO FACE WITH JESUS CHRIST... WHAT WILL YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOUR VAPOR, YOUR DASH, YOU SHORT BLINK OF AN EYE LIFE? DON'T WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW TO FIGURE IT OUT MY FRIEND. IT JUST MAY BE TO LATE.

BE FAITHFUL, EVEN TO THE POINT OF DEATH, AND I WILL

GIVE YOU THE CROWN OF LIFE.

REVELATION 2:10

　

FATHER- WE COME TO YOU TODAY UNDERSTANDING THIS LIFE IS SHORT. HELP US TO KEEP OUR FOCUS ON YOU. DON'T ALLOW US TO GET CAUGHT UP IN THIS WORLD AND WHAT IT HAS TO OFFER US. YOUR WORD SAYS THE THINGS OF THIS WORLD WILL BE EATEN BY MOTHS. ALLOW US TO STORE UP OUR TREASURES IN HEAVEN WHERE FIRE CANT BURN THEM AND MOTH CANT DESTROY THEM. CREATE IN US LORD A HUMBLE HEART. OPEN OUR EYES IF ONLY FOR A SECOND, TO SEE WHAT YOU SEE. I PRAY LAZINESS DOESN'T INTERFERE WITH MY WALK. I PRAY FOR RENEWED SPIRITS, OPEN HEARTS AND REVELATION INTO YOUR WORD TODAY AND EVERYDAY.
AMEN. 　



AND IN TIME

TODAY MY DEAR FRIEND DEE CAME IN TO GET HER HAIR DONE, AND IN TWO WORDS CHANGED MY LIFE'S CURRENT PATH..... I HAVE BEEN IN A FUNK FOR AROUND 7  MONTHS. I HADN'T FELT LIKE GOD HAS BEEN 'USING' ME OR MY LIFE. JUST BEEN FEELING STAGNANT AND WORTHLESS TO A CALLING.  LIKE IVE BEEN WALKING THROUGH LIFE THE LAST FEW MONTHS WITH NO PURPOSE NO DIRECTION. ANY GOD LOVING, EVANGELISTIC, ADHD, CHRISTIAN WOMAN CAN TELL YOU IT IS JUST MISERABLE AND MENTALLY DRAINING TO FEEL LIKE YOU ARE AT A STAND STILL. YOU CONSTANTLY ASK YOURSELF...
'WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?"
"WHERE HAVE I MISSED THE PATH GOD?"
"WHY ARE WE WASTING TIME WHEN TIME IS SO PRECIOUS IN THESE LAST DAYS?"
"WHEN. GOD. WHEN ???"
"WHEN. GOD. WHEN ???"
EVER SINCE MY LIFE CHANGED FOR GOD 10 YEARS AGO I HAVE FELT A CALLING TO WRITE AND SPEAK. I CANT TELL YOU WHY.. JUST A KNOWING IF YOU WILL. BUT DAYS TURNED INTO MONTHS AND MONTHS TO YEARS AND I FOUND MYSELF DISCOURAGED AND FRANKY SECOND GUESSING WHAT I BELIEVED MY CALLING WAS. I DECIDED THAT I WAS "JUST DREAMING" AND THAT I NEEDED TO BE OKAY WITH WHATEVER GOD CALLED ME TO DO. EVEN IF THAT MEANT CLEANING THE BATHROOMS AT CHURCH! I DECIDED I WOULD DO WHATEVER HE SAID WITH PASSION AND CONVICTION.

 "I CAN CLEAN BATHROOMS WITH PASSION IF YOU WANT ME TO FATHER!!" 

THEN DEE CAME IN AND SAID GOD MENTIONED ME TO HER THAT VERY MORNING IN HER QUIET TIME, HE ONLY SPOKE 2 PROMISING WORDS.... AUTHOR/SPEAKER. 

HAVE MY EARS JUST DECEIVED ME?? IT SHOCKED ME,  I HAD GIVEN UP ON THAT. WITHIN A MATTER OF SECONDS MY EYES WHERE FULL OF TEARS, HE HASN'T GIVEN UP ON ME! JUST WHEN I GAVE UP ON THAT SILLY DREAM.

GOD CONTINUES TO AMAZE WITH HIS MYSTERIOUS WAYS! YESTERDAY I WAS DOWN AND OUT AND TODAY I AM WRITING!! WOW. NEVER GIVE UP OR LOSE FAITH WHEN GOD'S TIMING ISN'T IN YOUR TIMELINE.

YOU KNOW, IN YOUR CHRISTAN WALK YOU HAVE UPS AND DOWNS, GOOD DAYS AND BAD DAYS.. YOU HAVE DAYS WHEN YOU'RE ON TOP OF THE WORLD AND FEELING THE PRESENCE OF GOD, HEARING HIS VOICE, SINGING HIS PRAISES AND HELPING EVERYTHING THAT HAS PULSE IN A 1OO MILE RADIUS. AND NOT JUST HELPING THEM BUT DOING IT WITH AN OVERFLOWING CHEERFUL HEART!! AND THEN THERE ARE DAYS WHEN WE FEEL ALONE AND EMPTY, DOWN AND OUT AND DONT FEEL LIKE TALKING AT ALL, MUCH LESS WHISTLING DIXIE!! BUT THATS OKAY..

WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE.. AND ITS OK.. WE ARE HUMAN. IF WE DIDN'T HAVE THE VALLEY EXPERIENCES WE WOULDN'T APPRECIATE THE MOUNTAIN TOP HIGHS!!

 IVE LEARNED GOD USES US IN SEASONS TO HELP AND AID OTHERS AND THEN HE NEEDS TIME TO WORK ON US. TO DEAL WITH US ON OUR OWN ISSUES, OUR FLESH. DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP WHEN YOU FEEL LOW, GOD IS ALWAYS THERE.. THE BIBLE SAYS IN  HEBREW 13:5 THAT GOD WILL NEVER FORSAKE US OR LEAVE US. IT DID SAY NEVER. JUST MAKING SURE YOU GOT THAT! NEVER! THANK YOU FATHER!! YOU WILL NEVER EVER LEAVE ME. 

 MAYBE GOD DOESN'T WORK WITH EVERYONE LIKE THIS, BUT, IVE ALWAYS BEEN A VERY EXTREME, BLACK OR WHITE, LOUD MOUTH, BULL IN A CHINA CLOSET, OUTSPOKEN, STUBBORN KINDA GAL.. GOD HAS HAD TO BASICALLY DISCONNECT ME FROM THE ENTIRE WORLD FOR MONTHS TO GET SOMETHING ACROSS TO ME. MY PRAYER IS TO  CONTINUE TO GROW AND MATURE AND GET TO A PLACE WHERE GOD SAYS IT ONCE (EVEN AT A LOW VOICE) AND I HOP TOO.   BUT OUR CHRISTIAN WALK IS A WALK, NOT A RUN. WE GROW AND LEARN AND CHANGE DAILY.

 JUST LIKE WHEN YOU PLANT A SEED.. YOU DON'T WAKE UP THE NEXT DAY AND SEE A BEAUTIFUL FLOWER, YOU WATER IT, FEED IT AND IN TIME.. IT GROWS. YOU'LL START TO SEE A BLOOM AND THEN AWHILE AFTER THAT, IT WILL APPEAR.. THE FLOWER. WHEN GOD FIRST FILLS US WITH THE HOLY SPIRIT WE AREN'T CHANGED IMMEDIATELY. IT TAKES TIME AND EFFORT, WORK ON OUR PART. DONT GET TOO RUSHED, SLOW DOWN AND ENJOY YOUR EVERYDAY WALK WITH GOD. DRINK IT UP AND REST IN HIM.

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

HEBREWS 11:1


FATHER I JUST COME TO YOU WITH A FULL HEART TODAY. THANK YOU FOR YOUR WORD, THANK YOU THAT YOU WILL NEVER LEAVE ME. THANK YOU THAT I CAN ALWAYS TRUST WHAT YOU SAY. FORGIVE ME WHEN I LOSE FAITH BECAUSE YOU DIDNT DO THINGS IN THE TIME FRAME I THOUGHT YOU SHOULD. I JUST PRAY TODAY FOR COURAGE TO SPEAK WITH CONVICTION WHEN ITS TIME TO. ALSO FATHER FOR THE HUMILITY TO KEEP MY LIPS SEALED WHEN ITS NOT MY BATTLE TO FIGHT. I AM ASKING YOU FOR A GODLY BALANCE IN EVERY AREA OF MY LIFE FATHER, PRUNE ME AND SIFT ME, DON'T LEAVE ME AS I AM. ALLOW ME LORD TO BE A SHINING STAR FOR YOU IN THIS EVER DARKENING WORLD.
　AMEN.